Motivational Monday: 11.23.15

Some more late Monday motivation; or Tuesday - depending on when you see it. :)

I saw this quote, and it just reminded me of, well, me.

"As I am. As I am. All or not at all."

I feel like this describes me so, so well. No matter what I am thinking about or planning or engaged in, I want to do it all or not at all. No matter the task, the person, the activity, you can rest assured that I want to give it my undivided attention.

Of course, the problem is when I get bogged down. I feel so guilty for not being able to give it my all, do my best, focus solely on _____ (fill in the blank), that the guilt weighs me down. It freezes me. I feel so down, I struggle to get up and do anything.

I guess even in my mid-thirties it is a quality I have to learn to live with and use to my advantage. That's the thing about life; it is ever evolving. We are ever growing and learning and changing.

Last night - errr. early this morning - I had the revelation that I had to suck it up when it came to school. This afternoon was the withdrawal deadline for semester-long classes. It wasn't worth the stress of the snowball of missing work. I wasn't going to be able to dig myself out. I was too worried about how it made me look, How it made me feel - which wasn't good no matter what spin I put on it. I was either going to feel bad about not catching up, or I was going to feel bad about not finishing. I was prepared to withdrawal from both classes and take one over if I had to. Instead, one of my professors gave me a deadline and said if I met it, I would be graded as if I'd turned them in on time (not counting missed discussion posts, obviously). My other professor was more than willing to be flexible as well. The only reason I still withdrew from that class was because I needed to make my plate smaller. I needed to know what to focus on. I needed the other class for my learning disabilities license that I am adding in addition to finishing the degree. It doesn't make me feel great about myself, but I am glad I was able to just make the decision.

I will look at it as a learning experience. Last time I was in school I was working a job with more flexibility, and that didn't require me to bring work home. I didn't have a family. It wasn't easy, but it was easier. It wasn't an online program either. Hopefully I am more prepared for next semester.

No matter what, I will give all or not at all.

And sometimes it needs to be about me, and not the "things" I am striving for.